I'm in love

Sydney Carton: a man of endless contradiction. A depressed drunkard, and yet the noblest of heroes by the end of Dickens’ tale. In the first part of the book, I found my affections drawn toward both Darnay and Carton. I saw Darnay as the upright hero who is motivated by loyalty and a sense of justice, against all odds. Carton is quite the opposite of this kind of a character, and yet I sympathize with him greatly. Addiction brings him into a dark prison of the soul, and depression chains him there. Though some may denounce his apparent laziness at not rising above what he already recognizes needs to change, I completely understand his immobilization. Depression has a way of enslaving one inside his own mind, and shackling one even further when he realizes his efforts to escape are proving futile. Depression is a disease of the mind, and that in combination with the physical addiction of alcoholism presents a formidable foe to conquer.

However, by the end of the book, I was largely detached from Darnay and absolutely in love with Carton. I originally viewed Darnay’s decision to go to Paris as noble, but upon further consideration, I have come to the conclusion that he is altogether too concerned with his own personal reputation. His decision is based on the appeal to “his justice, honour, and good name,” while giving no thought to how his absence might adversely affect his own wife (257). Lucie and his child should be his first priority! I find him to be quite selfish in being so concerned with his “good name,” and hardly giving his family a passing thought.

As for Carton, I identify strongly with his authentic acknowledgement of and despair in his own depravity and pathetic-ness. Darnay never does such a thing - it’s always that same flat veneer of nobility. And at the end of the day, Carton is the one who shows love in the most authentic way - laying down his life for another. Carton embodies what it’s like to struggle with debilitating sin, and yet overcome it in the end, something I think many people can relate to. He represents the hope that someday, we will be able to conquer that impossible obstacle within ourselves. And that is why I love him. The most hopeless man brings hope to light.

a child's perspective

WONDER spreads over his face

like ink over the blank expanse

in sprints and tumbles and twirls

creating the rudimentary figure

of a lion.

he sees the work of a master.

Hello innocence,

feel free to stay a while.

you will be missed–

overcast day

1.discovery, expectation
2.the future…or the past

3.the present

4.beauty among decay

5.contemplating the next step…

6.…stepping off

7. water on my toes :)

“The Story We Know”

The Story We Know
By Martha Collins

The way to begin is always the same. Hello,
Hello. Your hand, your name. So glad, Just fine,
And Good-bye at the end. That’s every story we know,

And why pretend? But lunch tomorrow? No?
Yes? An omelette, salad, chilled white wine?
The way to begin is simple, sane, Hello,

And then it’s Sunday, coffee, the Times, a slow
Day by the fire, dinner at eight or nine
And Good-bye. In the end, this is a story we know

So well we don’t turn the page, or look below
The picture, or follow the words to the next line:
The way to begin is always the same Hello.

But one night, through the latticed window, snow
Begins to whiten the air, and the tall white pine.
Good-bye is the end of every story we know

That night, and when we close the curtains, oh,
We hold each other against that cold white sign
Of the way we all begin and end. Hello,
Good-bye is the only story. We know, we know.

I really like this poem! It’s basically pondering the basic pattern that all guy-girl romantic relationships seem to follow. First there is the meeting, then the first couple dates, and then eventually, the “goodbye” - the ending. I love the simplicity of the words, how it presents something as complex as a relationship as so clear-cut and predictable. In the end, the author actually reduces the story to simply “Hello, Good-bye.” Those words are used in a pattern throughout the poem as well; they both appear in the first stanza, and then in stanzas 2–5 they repeat as “hello – goodbye – hello – goodbye.” So even the poem itself can be simplified to a series of beginnings and endings.

One literary device that stood out to me was the imagery in he last two stanzas. It mentions the snowing “[whitening] the air,” the “tall white pine,” and the “cold white sign.” White archetypally represents purity, however, here I think it represents the absence of something that should or could be there, specifically, the relationship. However, the white also makes for a clean slate on which the next “hello” can be built on. In light of this, and also of he repeating hellos and goodbyes, I think Collins is trying to convey the feeling of a repeating cycle that is impossible to break away from. The cold, white imagery also points to Collin’s tone, which I think is one of cool resignation. By this I mean that she understands the cycle of relationships, and acknowledges that it won’t change, and is mournful in seeing that, and yet tries to push away those sad feelings with an air of indifference.

Also relating to the imagery in the last two stanzas is the transition in tone or thought process that occurs in line 13. Collins transitions from talking about the typical details of a relationship to how it typically ends. Similarly, the imagery transitions from pleasant images about lunch and cozy time by the fire to that which focuses on the night, the closing of the curtains, and the whiteness of the winter outside. Winter is a season of death, or the absence of life. It comes every year, just as the end of a relationship seems to come as part of a cycle of hellos and goodbyes.

The Real Dream

I think one of the main problems that Willy, Raskolnikov and Hamlet suffer from is a preoccupation with self. To elaborate, Raskolnikov is consumed with his theory and the possibility of becoming "great." Hamlet starts out with a motive that is conetered around his father, however in the process becomes callous enough to the people that are living around him that he can kill off Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Polonious without a second thought. As for Willy, he is similar to Hamlet in that his motives start out somewhat good, considering his desire to provide for his family, however, his need for approval and attachment to his own dignity leads him to crumble in the face of failure. These people exemplify a major downfall with this focus on self: when "yourself" fails, you essentially have noone to turn to except youself, leading down a path of further feelings of unfilfillment.

Another problem I see exemplified in Willy is the failure to pursue a passion. His whole career is based on the projected result (success, being liked) and not at all on the journey along the way, the day-by-day experience of his actual job. When his result fails to materialize as he ages, he can find no joy in his job.

To sum up my thoughts so far, I think that the real dream we should be pursuing consists if 1) finding one's God-given passion and 2) using that passion to serve others and glorify God.

If one has truely found their passion, the thing that God himself has fashioned him for, there exists a measure of security and fullfillment that can be maintained even when life has taken a turn for the worse. Even if one ends up like Willy, with no result to show for his labor, hope can be found in knowing that you haven't wasted your experiences, in knowing that you are therefore free to "try again" without regret. The experiences and memories are still there. We can't be tied to the opinions of the world around us like Willy either, because they are always changing. One's passion in life I think is something more constant, more reliable.

Also tied in with this part of the dream, as well as the next part, is the need for the quality of humility and transparency. Raskolnikov and Willy both lead lives of deception, and can therefore never be at peace. Willy's deception is actually motivated by his absolute attachment to dignity, even when he has essentially lost it all already. Being REAL in our interactions with the people around us is absolutely necessary. It allows for faithfulness, for honesty, and subsequently for the formation of real relationships.

Relationships. I would say they are most important institutions in our lives. The most important relationship in our lives should be the one we have with God, which leads gracefully in to relationship with the people around us. One is the outflow of the other. Authentic relationships, the ones that work the best, I think are the ones based on the concepts of humility and service. In relation to God, I think we have to be able to humbly submit to his will and leading in our life before we can really enjoy true, lasting intimacy with Him, which, in turn, is the only way to find true fulfillment. In that kind of relationship, it becomes our joy to serve Him. :) This kind of humbled, self-less mindset is something that is strikingly absent from the lives of Willy, Raskolnikov and Hamlet. From my own personal experience, I have found that serving others is far more fulfilling in any way that serving my own interests ever could be. I think of service in relation to the people around us as a manifestation of love; going of your way to make someone else's day better, to encourage someone, to help someone with a tedious task. If it is not motivated by love however, these things are empty and meaningless as they become simply another attempt to try to gain approval like Willy did.

After saying all this however, to be completely honest, I think I can sum up the real dream or path to fulfillment in a much simpler way. Ms. Weisman warned us not to be trite, but I honestly think that sometimes the simpler answers are the ones that contain the most meaning, which explain the matter in the best way. How do we set ourselves up to lead a fulfilling life? By basing our existence around CHRIST. Simple as that. The things I've explained above are most definitely a result of living a Christ-centered life, however, I think so often we get caught up in our discussions of the importance of these specifics that we miss the big picture. Maybe this is because looking at the specifics can seem much more manageable, more comfortable. It's easy to say that one should find their passion and be selfless. Most of society would agree with those goals. But basing our existence around Christ is not limited to finding your passion so you can serve others and God. (Listening to myself, I can actually see how those answers seem trite themselves.) Rather, basing your existence around Christ requires complete surrender and submission to his purposes, his will. This will involve decisions about how you spend your time, how you talk, how you act, how you relate to others, how you dress. It will involve the decision to change or not, to be different from the rest of the world around you or not. It will involve deciding whose standards you will live by. This is the stuff that makes us uneasy, because in a lot of these areas in our current lives we are comfortable. However, we ultimately need to realize that Christ is the only way to find true fulfillment. He is our creator, He knows us like noone else does; He made us to be in fellowship with Him. Without that relationship with Him, there can be no lasting true peace or joy in a person's life (and I can testify to this through personal experience!). And in finding meaning in life through Christ, we have the ultimate security; God is the only thing we can know in life that will NEVER change, while EVERYTHING around us will. Also, the approval of other people around us will not matter anymore; only God's approval will - leaving room for a much freer existence. No longer do we try to find our identity in what we do or who we know, but rather in Christ: knowing that you are a child of God, loved and called to be set-apart - that is enough.

"I said to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.'" Psalm 16:1 :)))

a favorite song of mine

Vito's Ordination Song - Sufjan Stevens
I always knew you in your mothers arms 

I have called your name
I have an idea placed in your mind to be a better man 

I've made a crown for you put it in your room
and when the bridegroom comes there will be noise there will be glad and a perfect bed
and when you write a poem
I know the words I know the sounds before you write it down
when you wear your clothes I wear them too 

I wear your shoes and your jacket too
I always knew you in your mothers arms 

I have called you son
I've made amends between father and son or if you haven't one
rest in my arms 

sleep in my bed 

there's a design 

to what I did and said

New Criticism
These song lyrics use imagery and symbolism to create a powerful metaphor for Jesus of the Bible. Jesus is represented by the speaker himself. Ordinary words from our modern culture that do not fit at all within the context of the Bible show up throughout the lyrics. These have two effects, first of all to metaphorically identify certain aspects of the life of Christ. They also communicate the belief in Jesus' relevance to present-day culture. One instance of this occurs when the speaker says "I wear your shoes and your jacket too," which is a reference to the incarnation, when Jesus, son of God, took on a human body like a person might put on their clothing. The images of Christ in this song are varied, ranging from "bridegroom" to "father" to an omniscient person who "always knew you" to comforter ("rest in my arms"). They do not find their unity in the song, as it is not even directly stated that the speaker is Christ. It can only find it's cohesiveness with the outside knowledge of the character of God, which encompasses all these aspects. 

Deconstructive
It's interesting to note how the speaker goes from first person to third when he mentions the "bridegroom," which is a familiar Biblical image of Christ. This inconsistency seems to be contradictory, however, I think its purpose is to make a further connection to the speaker: Christ. In the Bible, Christ often spoke about himself in third person as "The Son of Man". So this ambiguity is somewhat typical of Christ, and yet in the Bible He always attributes his listener's inability to understand his words to their own blindness or lack of faith, rather than the cohesiveness of His words. So this wording implies that any confusion the listener might experience from this song actually comes from the listener's own mental weakness. Another contradiction can be found in the first line, "I always knew you in you mother's arms." It would be impossible for someone to do this because obviously one is not an infant forever. How can you "always" know someone in a temporal stage of life? Again, this contradiction can be attributed to the musician's intent to reveal aspects about Christ's character. The only way possible for someone to always know someone in a temporal position in life would be if that someone was not bound by space or time. So this ambiguity implies that Christ has this ability, and one might make the further connection that he therefore is God. 

Reader-Response

I LOVE this song. Some songs about Jesus do a great job of pointing out aspects of His character worthy of praise, while others focus on how He personally relates to us, and yet it's not often that one can find a song that mixes these two styles together so intricately and seamlessly as this song does. For instance, the lines "when you write a poem I know the words I know the sounds before you write it down" speaks of the omniscience of Christ yet to me it also speaks of how He is interested and involved in every aspect of our lives, and that He is the source of our creativity. The fact that Christ is the (implied) speaker is one of the aspects that makes the song so personal. The lyrics don't even slightly stretch the Biblical view of Christ, but rather take the most basic truths about Him and present it in an intimate manner that shows that He is a relational God who wants us to be in fellowship with Him. This song is a far cry from your typical worship song, and yet I find that it takes my mind into a place of meditating on God's goodness in my own life, aka ascribing worth to God, aka "worship." 

"What is the secret to great living? Entire separation to Christ and devotion to him. Thus speaks every man and woman whose life has made more then a passing flicker in the spiritual realm. It is the life that has no time for trifling that counts." 

-Amy Carmichael